How NOT To Be A Douche Bag Author 101
June 18, 2009
Welcome to another edition of "How NOT To Be A Douche-Bag Author 101", wherein I explore the various cases of author douchebaggery I have encountered.
I'd like to talk a little bit further about something in my previous blog post.
Email etiquette.
This may come as a shock to some people, but email does NOT necessarily equal "casual."
If you were applying for a job in "the real world", meaning somewhere local where you would go into the office...what kind of cover letter would you send with your resume? How would you correspond with a fellow business? Would it say:
Here's my resume. Everyone says I'd be really good at this job. - Joe.
I sure as hell hope you wouldn't send that.
So why do people think that's acceptable to do with a publisher? Whether you're an aspiring author sending me slush, an in house author talking about your book's progress through production, or even an editor/artist inquiring about employment...dude, be a fucking professional.
Look, it's one thing if you're one of my authors and we've corresponded a lot. But it's another if I barely know who the hell you are.
So let's talk about Japan for a second.
If you know anything about Japanese culture or the language, you'll be aware that there are different ways of addressing people depending on who they are and what the situation is. You don't address your boss the same way you address your BFF. The language has varying levels of politeness. If you're unfamiliar with what to use, the safest bet is to be MORE polite than you think you have to be. If you're more polite than the situation requires...nothing bad happens. If you're LESS polite, however, you risk offending and/or pissing off people.
So when you're talking to the publishing staff, pretend you're in Japan.
DO begin your email with a salutation You can say "Dear Ms Cameron" though most of the time "Hi Skyla" will suffice. DO have a subject line that's relevant to the email, ie. "Question about ___" as opposed to "Hi" or, god help me, "(no subject)". DO sign off with, "Thanks, _YourName_" or "Regards, _YourName_." If you forget that kind of thing...uh, just make it your signature line that's automatically added. Problem solved. DO use words like "please" and "thank you". EVERYONE does. *I* do, regardless of who I'm talking to.
DON'T include snide comments. Yes, I'm sure you're pissed off about something. We all are. But here's a little secret: pissy emails to me are less likely to get answered in a timely manner than non-pissy ones. I have to wait awhile before answering 'cause otherwise I'll say something nasty. DON'T be melodramatic. The fate of the world *isn't* hinging on where your manuscript is in the publication process. DON'T speak to the publishing staff like they're "the help." Because we're not.
If you can't show me basic courtesy, don't be surprised if I don't want to work with you anymore, and don't be surprised if others don't either. Serious business people want to work with serious business people.
Before you click "send" with that next email...please, read it over and imagine you're the one receiving it. Is it polite? Professional? If you're not sure if it's too casual, pretend you're in Japan and make it a little more formal. Use your previous correspondence from whoever you're sending it to to gauge what tone to use.
Some people are incapable of this.
These people are douchebags.
Don't be one.
Comments
#1 Wow
I read a lot of agents blogs, and editors blogs, but I'm fairly certain you're the first from the actual publishing side of things that I've ever found.
The funny thing is, I was just blogging about that myself, last night sometime when I ought to have been sleeping. I'm a rookie writer. I've written a book and two-thirds of a second, but like I said, there are all those blogs that I read fairly religiously. I have more than half an idea of What Not To Do when approaching an agent, or anyone else in the business.
People who won't go to the supermarket in anything less than their Sunday best, but will curse and scream at an agent/editor/publisher via email disturb me. I made the comparison, if you won't go to an interview in ripped jeans and a bikini top, why on Earth would you casually approach an agent? I don't think many people understand the concept of BUSINESS PARTNERS. You've both got a hand in the book, both want to see it sell so you can both get paid, so I can't understand why people react that way. Seriously, having worked in food service my whole working life thus far, you DON'T piss off the people who make your food. Likewise, you don't piss off the people who can make your book.
Maybe that's just me.
Anyway, I'm totally hooked on this blog. I'll keep checking back, and you'll see a lot of me in the comments.
--Kori
#2 That's exactly it--it's
That's exactly it--it's business. I've said over and over to people that entering a publishing contract is a business commitment for at least a couple of years. You HAVE to be professional.
Sadly, there are a lot of people who aren't remotely self-aware or objective about how they come across to others. I honestly told one author that I wasn't interested in her future submissions (she was in-house) because I didn't like the attitude she took when corresponding with me, and I didn't feel it would be in either of our best interests to extend our working relationship with new contracts. She flipped out and started copying my boss when she ranted back at me. But she honestly, truly, did NOT understand how I could be perceiving her casual, condescending, and passive aggressive emails as unprofessional. *headdesk*
I just can't imagine if it were snail mail people had to send, as opposed to email, they'd be so casual. But, then again, maybe I give people too much credit...
"She wrapped evil around her like a large, evil Mexican serape."